shoulder specialist
well it been a funny day, went to get my blood pressure monitored, its still a tad higher than it should be, then it was off to macc to see the shoulder specialist, oh he stood behind me and moved my arm, and god did it hurt!!!!!! anyway, he was not aware that i had fallen down a flight of stairs, he thought it was just from the surgery i had had, but he has given me an appointment for an mri scan, on the 10th of july at 8.10pm, yes, on my middle son's birthday, that will be two i have missed on the trot due to this blinkin cancer!!!!!!!!! they are scanning it to make sure that nothing nasty is there, why not just x ray it i do not know!!!!!!!! anyway, he is a lovely lovely man, so nice and caring and that really does make a difference i feel.
love to you all
Alisonxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
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Shoulder
HI Alison,
At least you had a nice person look at you , now that has to be a bonus!. I wish you luck, and I am sure it is a good thing that they are being so thorough with you, shame about your sons birthday, but I am sure he would rather have his mum okay than in pain . Wishing you all the best, you deserve it.
Love Steffy
Alison
If you didnt get drunk in the first place , then you wouldnt fall down the stairs, your shoulder wouldnt hurt, you wouldnt have to go for a scan, so you wouldnt miss your sons birthday! so your fault in the first place , good luck ! xxxx
oh!!!!!!! cheeky chops!!!!!!!!!
thank you steffy and tomdog xxxxxxxxx as for you lanz!!!!!! in fact, it was 7.30am and i slipped on some wet leaves!!!!!!!! wasn't even hung over!!! had i have been, well, it would probably been fine lol xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Alisonxxxxxxxxxx
Ooh that Lanz!
He's a naughty boy, isn't he, Alison? Sorry to hear it's your middle son's birthday - a real shame - and 8.10pm - goodness, they must be busy! I believe that an MRI shows far more than a simple x-ray. It's quite expensive, so I suppose you should be grateful for small mercies and that they are checking thoroughly. Have you had one before Alison? Lots of love, xxx Penny
Hi Penny xxxxxx
yes i had a brain scan last April due to pins and needles and loss of strength in my left side, (and before Lanz says anything, no it wasn't to check if i actually had a brain!!!!!!!!!!!!lol) they didn't find anything though, and i was assaurred that it wasn't related to the breast cancer when i got diagnosed, though since then i do wonder if some of them knew what they were talking about!!!! well, i have started with swelling down my right hand side now, at the hospice today i was having my usual amount of chest pain, and it was really weird to see my right arm, hand, and foot swell up like a balloon, this has happened a few times now, not sure if its the arimidex, the high blood pressure or what, but it starts with the most awful tingles then blows up like a balloon, i am wondering if i am having a few mini strokes, cos i have had a few shooting pains in my head. to be honest, i don't really feel too good, but i will see the surgeon on the 15th of july so will tell him all about it xxxxxxx
lots of love to you all
Alisonxxxxxxxxxxx
I feel really downhearted -
what with you and Debbie, two of our stalwarts, having setbacks. What with you in-flating and Debbie de-flating...I'm so sorry that you're having what sounds like really quite alarming symptoms. Were you having some alternative therapy, or was the location today just for the counselling? Did they warn that this might be a side-effect for Arimidex? Look after yourself sweetie - and I shall be thinking about you a lot. xxx Penny
going to see the gp
got an emergency appointment at 4.10pm, spoke to one of the doctors today, he doesn't know what is causing the swelling on my right side, seems a bit flumoxed that it goes back down again, but my head has felt so fuzzy and i have pains in my neck and little niggledy pains in my head, sweated like i don't know what all night, maybe this is the menopause kicking in good and proper, who knows????????? so will update you all later
lots of love
Alisonxxxxxx
Poor you - you're in a right state
Yes, it does sound a bit like some sort of menopause meltdown, and let's hope that they can do something more than being flummoxed by it! Good luck, and I shall be crossing my fingers at 4.10pm today, as we all want you back fit and well and blooming like you looked at your party! With all my love xxxx Penny
hi all xxxx
well, the good news is that i haven't had any type of stroke, still feeling lousy though, but they can't think what can be causing this swelling, so i have to go back if it happens again, thank you all so much for your lovely support xxxxxxxxxx
lots of love
Alisonxxxxxxxx
What a relief
It's a pity they haven't been able to tell you what's causing the swelling but it must be a load off your mind to now that it's not a stroke. Do hope you get a really good night's sleep - and that it doesn't happen againl. Lots of love, Kate xxx
Hi all
well i did get a good nights sleep thanks to a sleeping pill! still feel a bit drained, have left a message for my bc nurse to ring me before 3pm today if poss (have to go and check in at the job centre!!!!!!!!!!!) i would like to know if any other women on arimidex are having similar problems, when i got to the gps yesterday my blood pressure was 210/98 then by the time he had done all the tests it was back down to normal, i was wondering if it may be some sort of panic attack, but if that was the case then surely it would have affected the whole of my body? and mentally i have felt quite stable lately, i know i have the mri and the mammo to look forward to but i don't feel worried about them cos what will be will be (nearly burst into song then!!!!!) anyway, will let you know if i find out what it is
love to you all
Alisonxxxxxxxxx
Although I can't help with this one
I just wanted to say good morning, and to tell you I am thinking about you. Well, the Job Centre: there's a merry little outing for you! Soon know if it's blood pressure as I should think the Job Centre will test that one! Lots of love xxxx Penny
i just
checked my answering machine to see if there were any messages, and guess what? one from the job centre to remind me of my appointment today, do they not realise that i use a calander?????? i hate going to that place, i have to sit in an open plan room and talk about my symptoms of having had breast cancer and how the arimidex is affecting me!!!!! all to get the incapacity benefit that i have paid full stamp for!!!!!!!!!! i think it normally does effect my blood pressure when i go there, first time in me life that i have ever claimed anything, and the hoot of it is that my tax changed as soon as i got this job, ok, i am allowed to work 14 hours a week and get my incapacity, but i can now earn £4000 a year instead of the £5000 that i used to be on before this happened, we even get taxed more so that they get every penny back!!!!! and its money that we pay in in the first place!!!!!!!!!! rant over lol thank you Penny x i know you think about me my love and its ditto xxxxxxxxxx
love to all
Alisonxxxxxxxxx
Why does your experience at Job Centre not surprise me?
Here they have security guards on the door, and when I tried to deliver a letter by hand (we have to watch our money very carefully, and cost of postage has rocketed) one of them was really rude and said didn't I know what a post-box looked like! He was a real slob, uncouth, slouching over a lectern. I had only recently been told terminal and I still felt very raw about it. In this city they used to separate off the drug-addicts and ex-crims who were quite likely to get aggressive, and needed the security guard aspect. Now they've closed offices and everyone gets to face the same paramilitary wing of the DSS. I also saw them being extremely rude to a very pleasant immigrant girl who only asked them for information. My GP gave me a 26-week Form 3 Med this time, as he is fed up of me coming back when I should be dead, I guess, and he thinks this will provoke a review of my case - so look forward to a new blog from me on that encounter! My thoughts are with you, Alison! xxx Penny
Hi Alison
Hi Alison ,
just thought I would see how you are today?
Love Steffy & Tomdog
hello you two xxxx
well, i got an email yesterday from an image library that i have some work in, a restaurant in new york want two of my images, now this library has had these images for just over five years, and i know that i scanned the prints not the negatives, but i thought i had all the work together, well i had the prints but they needed the negs, so spent most of yesterday in the loft going through thousands of negs, gave up at about 11pm last night, went to work this morning feeling a bit rough, got home at lunch time, back up to the loft and finally found the damn things!!!!!!! but they want to see if they can get them to 60 inch square, well 35mm does not equate to that, so unless some really fantastic equpement is now on the market, well, i don't really see how they can do it, it is only a possible so i have sent the negs off for next day delievery on mon, i am hoping they can do it, but it wasn't even from a slide film, it was a 200asa print film, a good one, but will have to see what they say. so for the rest of today i have been going through some other work that i need to scan so that i can increase the images that the library holds, its not mega bucks, but its a good little earner if you have a lot of images in, so i need to get some serious scanning done, so i am going to stick some of the new ones in my pics section so you can all have a look and give me a critique on them. health wise, well, still feeling a little wary, still got tingling on the right hand side, but i think maybe it is just another side effect of the drugs i am on xxxxxxxxxxx thank you so much for asking after me xxxx how is our tomdog and you getting on? and you as well Penny, Kate and the others who have commented on here xxxxxxxxxx love to you all as ever
Alisonxxxxxxxxxxx
Yeaaa Good News
Thats a great result, I will look at your pic file later, I am so pleased for you, I am glad that you are a little better, sometimes these drugs can be scary. Tom and I have had a right day today, we were going out for the day, but we got a phonecall from a place in London that we are going to get a second opinion from, they want Tom for an appointment next week, and then the post arrived and we are having his appeal heard by Suffolk PCT on 15th July, so we spent all day gathering information, had to email Kate Spall telling her about the appeal date, and then we had to phone our MP's office and get an appointment to see him, we saw him tonight at 6pm, and he has dictated another letter to the new PCT ,strongly supporting Toms case, so we got home about 8pm. Yet another day trying to get funding, we are not hopeful, but at least we will have done everything possible. Toms is fine about it all, he has such a laid back personality, he just takes it all in his stride, I run around like the headless chicken, and he lets me, keeps me out of his way I suppose.lol
Love to Neil and the family
Steffyxx
Photos
Hi Alison
I especially liked the Platform,really interesting contours, and the basque village, cos it's pretty, and the flower as well , well actually I liked all of them, I am not very good at photography I have a digital camera, that sings and dances, but I usually leave it on auto and anti shake, because I am useless.
Love Steffy x
Looking forward to seeing your pics
All that time in the attic sounds very similar to me! I think you need some sort of filing system there!!! It's really gret news that you're going to be shown in a New York restaurant - wonderful, and I really hope that the 200ASA can be blown up to size. It's great to log on to your blog and find some NORMAL LIFE - bet that felt really special. xxx Penny
i really think we left normal behind a while ago Penny xxx
well i have my reservations about the size they want, 35mm just is not square!!!!! mind you, them americans sometimes like things big, as long as its viewed from about a mile away!!!!!!!lol anyway, whatever happens if they sell or not, its got me scanning again so heres to motivation!!!!!!
Steff, i really hope it goes well on the 15th of July, tom to the pct, me to the mammo!!!! what a day it will be, just sorry i am going away straight after the mammo i shall have to send you my mobile number, or Debbie can keep me informed xxxxxxx love to you all as ever xxxxxxxx
not sure about this arimidex
well, i have felt absolutley shattered this week, i swear i can feel it when my blood pressure is going up! i need to speak to my surgeon about all of these blinking side effects, i am not sure that i can stand another six and a half years of my bones aching, lack of sleep, high blood pressure, having awful mood swings, no sex drive, dry skin, deteriating eyesight, having to drag myself round on some days cos i feel so tired, i am wondering if either aromisin or femera will be better for me, but then what if they are as bad or worse? its my last day at work tomorrow until september, just as well i think at the moment. it horrifies me that i have become so weak compared to what i was like before this diagnosis, i didn't even feel this bad after my operations, i felt really scared when i went to the doctors last week, whilst sitting in the waiting room, i felt so ill that i thought my body was building up to some momentous happening, i really thought that i would have ended up in hospital, thankfully i didn't, but the thought of that happening again is a bit scarey, i am still having pins and needles in the lower extremities of my right hand side, maybe they are here to stay, probably couldn't bear to part from me! oh well, got me mri scan for me shoulder tomorrow, so am hoping that that is just something and nothing, mind you, it would be good to know if it has been damaged, at least then i know what is causing the pain and i think that makes it easier to cope with. then when we get back from the late appointment at the hospital its out for a meal to celebrate our son's 18th birthday, then on friday i am off to york till sat, then sun i am off to london till mon, then its off up north after the mammo on tues and finally the highlight of the year, going to see leonard cohen on wednesday, then home on thurs, then i am going to have a rest!!!!!!!!!!!!!! so will not be about much over the next week, but i intend to have a great time with my hubby xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
love to you all
Alisonxxx
Not surprised you are exhausted, Superwoman
Your week's schedule sounds like it's meant for two people! I'm glad the job gives you a break through the summer, as you drive yourself so hard and give so much to others. Don't want you going into total meltdown! Sure Neil will look after you - and I just hope the hospital/doctors do. Enjoy that Leonard Cohen! We shall miss you whilst you're gadding about xxxx Penny
Dear LOvebird Breeder
Hi Alison,
that baby bird is really ugly, great photo you sent me, lol.
Please slow down and pace yourself over the next week, I have sent you a pm,
Have a great time with Leonard Cohen (cannot believe I said that)
Wishing you luck with all your scans and stuff,
Love Steffyxxxx
thank you both xxxx
i have always rushed about, i am never happy unless i am doing something! the only time i seem to relax is when i go to blythe house hospice, then i really do get pampered so i do have one day a week on sheer indulgence!!!!! lots of love
Alisonxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
nearly a great week
well, saw the gp on tuesday, he thinks the clonidine is doing the swelling, so i had already started to cut it down, never took any yesterday so am feeling a little ropey today, saw the surgeon and he seemed in a rush, suppose they are all very busy, he suggested i saw the onc, or that i went back on tamoxifen, well, been there and didn't enjoy the experience, so not going on that again, so i have to see how i get on without the clonidine and report back to him in three months time, had the mammo, i have to wait two to three weeks for the results of that, i told him not to bother to send me a letter if it was fine, no news is good news after all!
Leonard Cohen was fantastic, it made me cry, poor Neil kept asking me what was up, had to tell him to leave it as i couldn't have put into words what i felt, only that one of the songs he sang was my mums favourite.
anyway, going to see if i can get some scanning done this coming week, after i stop feeling so awful, i really am not sure if i will carry on seeing any professional anymore, i still feel as if i waste my breath, maybe i will feel a little more rational when i don't feel so tired and irratiable, even the poetry is getting quite dark these days lol
love to you all as ever
Alisonxxxxxx
Bit worried you're feeling so disillusioned
and as you say, that last poem is very heartfelt. These drugs seem to have played havoc with your life. I'm not really sure exactly what they are meant to do, but they're certainly making you feel dreadful physically and emotionally. Are they the kind you suffer withdrawal symptoms from? Hope you can get through any of that sort of stuff, and start feeling more cheerful. Think you actually NEED all that rushing around (I share that to a certain extent), as physical inactivity results in too many demons catching up with you.
Look after yourself, as we all need you. Lots of love xxxx Penny
i'll be fine
just sick of my achilies heel! and sick of nothing being done about the high bp, and i feel a little me me me this cold and wet day, plus after such an enormously busy week its a bit like an anti-climax, just tired xxxxxxxxxxxxx
been thinking about me as usual!!!!!!
i still feel that i am banging my head against a brick wall when it comes to going to either the gp or the hospital, the surgeon who i once held so dear as someone i felt at least listened to me is at the end of the day a fantastic surgeon with far too much on his plate, so what more can a poor girl do??????? i really do feel like just throwing the towel in and reverting back to my pill free days, i ache all over, and the thought that i had not only one but two unneccessary operations is just too much! i can't go back on tamoxifen, i really can't do that to myself again, and i really don't think any drug is going to suit me to be honest, i am now two days without clonidine and the hot flushes and sweats are from hell!! maybe i should have took longer to come off them, but i just want the nasty things out of my system. as to quality of life, well, no sex drive, constant aching bones, i really do wonder if it is worth all this, ok, i can't do anything about the menopause proper, but i need to make a decision as to what i do in the near future, i am on sleeping pills every night now, thats how bad its got, taking about 8 paracetomols a day to help ease the pain, this really is not good, i feel like i am in a right rut here, Neil is worried that i am just going to tell the gp and the hospital to get stuffed, i think he is justified in that worry. maybe i need more sleep, its so hard to shake this feeling off at the moment.
love to you all
Alisonxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
this is for Steffy
and anyone else who wants to see this fantastic catchy, yes i said catchy Leonard Cohen song xxxxxxxxx
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hrPEM2qc-j8
blood pressure is up again
well, after feeling totally lousy over the weekend, i went to my local sure start today to have my blood pressure taken, it was 161/121, so i now have my own little bp machine, its rather cute, it even has a little printer to print the time and date of your bp, quite impressed, anyway, i asked the question that has been on my mind for a few weeks now, and that was, do i have to have a heart attack or a stroke before anyone does anything about this? so i have to go again tomorrow morning, then again on wednesday, if its still up then they will make an emergency appointment at the gps for me, but just wondering does anyone know how high it has to go before you flatline???????????????
love to you all
Alisonxxxxxxxxxxxx
You poor love
What a rotten time you're having. Hope you manage to get this sorted SOON - in the meantime, big hugs. Much love, Kate xxx PS: your little machine and printer sound cute
waiting to hear from the surgeon
well, i have come to the conclusion that for the sake of the 3% that is the full amount of how i benefit over a ten year span from taking arimidex for the next 6 years is just not worth it, so i am waiting to hear back from the bc nurse who is going to talk to my surgeon today about my coming off this drug, i am doing it properly, and i am hoping that i won't have to take anymore after today. it really isn't worth all the aching joints, and the high bp scares me quite a lot, i'll be damned if i am going to just take drugs that feel like they will lead me onto a heart attack or worse. so fingers crossed that he oks it, i have a higher risk of getting run over!!!!!!!!!!
Alisonxxxxxxxx
well
had the bc nurse phone me back, the surgeon says its 4%, as if that makes such a big difference, and he wants me on it for at least two years!!!!!!!! but the good news is that i can go onto aromisin, still has the same sort of side effects but i suppose i have to give it a chance, anyway, the bc nurse is supposed to be ringing my gp to get this sorted, so i suppose it will take a week or ten!!!!!!!!!!!
my bc nurse rang me again
i can change to aromasin, but she told me that the gp she spoke to at my surgery would not give me a prescription for it until he had heard from my surgeon, well, i rang this said gp up, and he told me that i would have to ring again on friday as by that time he would have had conformation from my surgeon that i could go on this, i pointed out to him that i had seen only on monday that my surgeon had sent a letter to the doctor i normally see about the options i had, aromasin being one of them, this gp then went on to say that these were dangerous drugs and had a bit of a go about prescriptions being given out when they shouldn't be, i told him that not only were the side effects of arimidex not acceptable but neither was the high blood pressure, anyway, he has refused to do me a prescription till he gets this letter, i now feel like shxt because its yet another kick in the teeth! but now i know why they do not want to put me on this drug, its not just about a letter from the surgeon, its about the price, i signed up on the BNF site, and aromasin is about £20 a month dearer than arimidex. anyway, i told the gp that i was not taking anymore arimidex (though i have cos i am a coward) and slammed the phone down on the pompus piece of dirt. i am going to ring my bc nurse tomorrow and see if i can just get the surgeon to do a prescription for me and i shall pick it up from the hospital if i have to. life's trails and tribulations eh!!!!!!!!!!
Alisonxxxxxxxxxxxx
Hi Alison
I'm really thrilled to be coming to see you tomorrow - public transport vagaries permitting! At least you can tell me all about it - and we can have some hot flushes together, as I took one look at the side-effects for the new tablets the Oncologist prescribed to help me with my instantaneous menopause, and decided I'd get on and face it whilst I was doing the cancer treatment.... That many Paracetamols sounds bad news: is there anything else they can prescribe for you that is a bit stronger? Lots of love xxx Penny
think that i would be lucky
just to get some paracetomol off my doctors!!!!!!!!!!!! they are complete gits!!!!!!! can't wait to see you tomorrow, i am going to pack the reclining chairs for our picnic xxxxxxxxxxxx
get my aromasin today!
well, what a week, spoke to my bc nurse about coming off the drugs, surgeon wants me on them for at least two years, so as put in his letter to my gp it said that Aromasin was an option, well, my bc nurse rang my gp after the surgeon saying to go on Aromasin, the gp told her not until he got an official letter off the surgeon!, i then rang said gp and asked why he would not give me a prescription for this, he went on and on about not just being able to hand out dangerous drugs willy nilly, i did remind him that Arimidex is in the same class, and asked did i have to have a heart attack first! he then said that i would have to come into the surgery next week after he had recieved the letter from my surgeon, i did point out that i had only been there the week before and that the local practice nurse was keeping an eye on my bp, anyway, i got rather upset about all this, i rang the bc nurse yesterday morning and left a message about how the gp had spoken to me, then i put it to the back of my mind as i picked Penny up from town then we went on our lovely picnic down the goyt valley, whilst down there i got a phone call from another gp from my surgery telling me that my surgeon had rang him and that he would do me a prescription for Aromasin, he sounded a pit peed off with me! anyway, listened to my phone messages yesterday evening, and one of the other bc nurses had rang me to say that my nurse was off that day and she had picked up my message about the way the gp had spoken to me regarding changing my prescription, so all i can conclude is that my usual nurse has passed on the way the gp spoke to her and my dear surgeon has took it on himself to make sure that my gp give me this difference aromataise inhibitor.
so in future, when i have any probs with the gp, i am going to get Penny here for the day, as i feel that yesterday she was my lovely talisman!
we had a wonderful day but i shall let Penny scribe about it as she writes in the most beautiful wayxxxxxxxxxx
love to you all
Alisonxxxxxx
took my first tablet today
and as yet feel no different, but fingers crossed that it does not affect me in the same way as arimidex, not sure that i could bear anymore of the same! at least its not packaged up to look like i am taking the pill!!!!!! no days on these pills, and they are so much smaller and easier to swallow, so feeling good about this change, ok, i will still get achey joints, that can't be helped and the weather at the moment certainly is not helping the hot sweats and flushes, at least it is cooling down a little now. i am also hoping that i shall loose this feeling of being far too hot or far too cold, there seems to be no inbetween!
love to you all
Alisonxxxxxxxxxxx
not so good so far
well, went to a wedding reception on Saturday night, had me new dress on, was on my fourth small glass of rose and the next thing i knew i was on the floor, i don't think i passed out, i don't know what happened, anyway, had to be helped up by one of my neighbours, i then got to the end of the drive and puked my guts up, real projectile vomit, this was at 8.30pm, so i came home, looked like death warmed up, my dress was distroyed from where i had gone back and slid down a pebble dashed wall,also my back is a right mess, i felt so ill. anyway, i have decided today that i am just going to take my chances without these drugs, i get little support from my gp,s and no one seems to know why i am having these funny turns, so for the sake of the 4% my surgeon has quoted, well, the next time i fall or go fuzzy headed i could be in a car driving or out on my own, so thats it for me now, gave it my best try, it seems that you're damned if you do, and damned if you don't. at least i should regain a little of my old life back.
love to you all
Alisonxxxxx
That sounds quite scary Alison
I once had something similar happen to me. I'd been cutting back on alcohol and also starting to develop a slightly healthier lifestyle. A friend took me to a posh restaurant, but when I looked at the menu I didn't really see anything I normally ate. She ordered for me and when it arrived, it had loads of cream and wine in the food, and also the wine wasn't particularly friendly. Suddenly I knew I'd got to get outside. I got as far as the door, opened it - and fell face first through it. Must have looked quite a sight with my legs still sticking the restaurant side of the door and the rest of me outside on the landing. All I could see was blackness, but gradually I could hear my friend's voice discussing me with someone else. Soon I came round properly, managed to get up and went to the Ladies to be sick. To this day I don't know why this happened except too rich a food/something in the wine.... I just wander if what happened to you could have been something in the wine reacting with something in the tablets . Are you sure you have given the new ones long enough to work? What does anyone friendly in the medical profession say about your blackout? It does sound worrying - I was just going through a very emotionl time when I had my blackout - and you certainly know about those!
Keep us posted as to progress. Thinking about you, and sending some good vibes over the Peak District towards you. Lots of love xxxx Penny
PS If you don't improve soon I am going to have to come up and sort you out - and where could that lead? Last time being so close to sheep-shearing we risked coming out with less than we wore going in, the very large sunbather and going up tracks with grass growing up the middle (due to my lovely map-reading).... Lots of love xxxx Penny
well, two days on
still feel a bit lousy, but hoping that at least the headache, the sick feeling and the joint pain will soon subside!!!!!! i did have the decency to let the bc nurse know, she tried ringing today but i was out, so will have to do a bit of phone dodging!!!!!!! anyway, got a letter from the hospital about a further appointment to see the shoulder specialist on the 24th of September, not sure if they have cocked up somewhere but i am supposed to be seeing him next monday! so shall have to ring tomorrow to ask if the monday appointment has been cancelled, will be a bit peed off if it has been as i had the mri scan on the 10th of july, (mind you had the mammo on the 15th of july and still not had the results of that either!!!!!!!) i really do just feel like discharging myself and just carry on bimbling my way through life, this is too much like hard work, without any answers!
I now have my lovely pic framed Penny, i was going to put it in my bedroom, but i have it in the kitchen so everyone can see how fantastic it is x as i have no chip pan it will be free from the dreaded grease, and the males can look at it sideways when they do the dishes xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
love to you all
Alisonxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
LOL about my drawing Alison!
Glad to see you are getting those strong-armed lads out from under their sportscars and at that sink!
What ARE they doing with the results of your mammo/scans? Sending them round the world first? However, did you mention something about NOT wanting to be contacted if everything was hunky-dory - so could that be the case? Def sounds as though you need to ring about the Monday appointment. Someone hath blundered there!
Really do hope that the joint pain and headaches settle down asap. You have had more than your fair share with ongoing side-effects, and I know it is frustrating you not to be able to create your fantastic photographs to the standards you used to.
Everyone keeps looking longingly at my pics of your lovely garden, and our sheep-shearing day! General complaint is that I got the beautiful weather whilst the Rave got the rain. With lots of love xxxx Penny
Hi Pennyxxxx
well, my breast care nurse rang me today, told her how i was getting on without the tablets, feeling a bit ropey, but not too bad, she then told me that they had found a 9mm mass on my mammo, the surgeon is sure that it is only a cyst due to the appearance and it being near to the skin surface, i have to go for an ultra sound scan next friday, then he will drain it, i spoke about the possibilities of having that breast removed as a preventative measure, i have been thinking about that for a while, as i am not very good on the drugs that i have had so far and the options for them is running out, well, in my opinion i really don't want anymore of them. just hope that monday when i get the results of the shoulder scan that that also is nothing. feeling a bit hollow at the moment, poor Neil, well, i rang him to see if he can book next friday off and come with me, that won't be a problem, at least he can change his rest day, he is due in at any minute, not sure i can bear to see the worry that will be etched on his face. oh well, such is life at the moment, never a dull moment!!!!!!!
love to you
Alisonxxxxxxxxxxx
Oh dear
I am so sorry about the cyst thing and having to have it drained. I'm glad Neil is going with you, but yes I can imagine that you will be having an emotional time this evening. You are having to do so much putting on a brave face - I have just been talking to someone else about putting on a smile when hubby comes home. I wish there was something I could do as I feel helpless - we all do - at the other end of the line. Think I'm going to have a bit of a cry now....
lots of love xxxx Penny
hey don't cry xxxxxxxxx
i am sure i will be fine, and if not, well, i shall fight the good fight, for i am a true survivour!!!!!!!!! hey the Macmillian will be proud of me lol. Neil is a bit upset, mind you, so am i, its left me wondering what would have happened had i not fought to get my ovaries out, well, i am wishing that a week tomorrow will soon go by, at least then i will know, hopefully it will be just a cyst, will know next week
love to you as ever
Alisonxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
god i feel a bit down
poor matt the dog is dying, and here is me wondering if i have this dreaded disease back. i feel quite hopeless today, i really can't believe that i would be so lucky for it to just be a cyst, and here was i thinking no news was good news! i really don't know what to do with myself, i keep wandering round and doing nothing of any use, i think i truly understand what isolation and fear are now, not a good place to be at any time, i wish i could just sleep till next friday and get it over and done with, the thoughts of many of us i should think
lots of love
Alisonxxxxx
Not surprised
Not surprised you're feeling down - what a horrendous time you're having with it all coming at you from every direction. Hang on, lovie - you are one tough lady and you will find the strength to deal with this c**p too. Big hugs as ever, and lots of love, Kate xxx
we had to have our lovely Matt
put down tonight, oh it was so sad, his dear trusting brown eyes looking at us, he has been the most loving dog you could ever have, it was his 14th birthday as well, what with him and me, well, no wonder my poor hubby looks like death warmed up, but at least we were all there for Matt, accept Abi who is away on holiday, she is going to be so upset when she gets back to no dog in the house. just when things look like shxt, well, does it get any worse i wonder? well, will know next friday
love to you all
Alisonxxxxxxxxxxxx
sorry
dear Alison, I am so sorry about your Matt. It is always so difficult to lose a friend .- but it is wonderful that you were with him and could reassure him till the very end.
All this worry about your health, too - it must be very difficult for you.
But it does sound hopeful that it is only a cyst.
Hope this s---y week goes bye quickly for you.
love and hugs
pat
well, we buried
Matt today, oh what a very very sad day its been, i had insisted that he get buried in the garden, ok for me to say as it wasn't me digging the massive hole for him, poor Neil was really quite grey looking by the time Alex got here, and after all that digging well, the hole was a lot bigger then they needed, i couldn't watch them putting him in the hole, i just felt so wretched, anyway, at least he is free of the pain of not being able to walk properly anymore, it really is so hard seeing a lovely dog just go the way he did, and i suppose its made me feel so much more about my own mortality, i never want to get to that stage in my life where i can't walk or talk properly, makes me wonder about the wisdom of euthenasia, (sure i spelt that wrong), we don't put our pets through what we wouldn't want to go through ourselves
lots of love
Alisonxxxxxxxxxxx