Alison's blog

Alison

hello everyone, hope your all enjoying this lovely weather. as you can see, i am still after signatures for my petition to improve services for breast cancer patients who develop lymphoedema (and hopefully this will also improve services for lymphoedema from other cancers and cellulitis) so here is the link again
http://petitions.number10.gov.uk/ConstantReminder/
if anyone has any questions then please contact me via here or pm
lots of love
Alisonxxx

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Alison

life has been so busy lately, what with my involvement in the National Cancer Surviourship Initiative and the core group for Vocational Rehabilitation, and my forth coming trip to Australia as a representative of Breakthrough Breast Cancer for the Reach for Recovery conference.
Last Thursday i attended an event to celebrate the 1st Anniversary of the merger of Cancerbackup and Macmillan, i met some lovely caring people who are the trustee's and donator's whose very generous financial contributions help to keep this fantastic site for people affected by cancer going. It was not difficult for me to make the speech i did, it came straight from the heart, i have been involved with this site since before it became what it is now, myself and a few others used to make sure that anyone who posted on the old forum that they got a more prompt reply to their posts, then six of us test drove the new site just before its launch at the beginning of March 2008, i will always be proud that the six of us helped to shape what this site has now become, and now, just over a year later, well, i am so happy that i have met some of the people off here face to face, and yes, some of them have passed away, but its not with sadness that i remember them, its the way that they still offered words of support and help to those who needed them, even though they were near their own end of life journey in their own cancer that has me remembering them as the most lovely caring people. fond memories are held in my heart.
Anyway, i just wanted to say all this, and long may this supportive, informative, caring site continue.
lots of love to you all
Alisonxxx

Alison

well, friday seems like its never going to get here, all i want to do is get the scan over and done with, this is the second time i have had to wait around to see what is what and its unbearable at times, and trying to keep occupied is just so hard, as this little voice in my head won't allow me any peace, and of course i am going to think the worst as i expect that is what we all do at times like this, hopefully it will be a tale of joy by friday lunch time. rant over
Alisonxxx

Alison

i have to have an ultra sound on friday, my surgeon has found something in my armpit on the side that i had the cancer, i am really worried about this, hopefully it will be nothing, but since i never got offered chemo (i had a grade3 1.6mm tumour) then i really don't feel that i had enough treatment at the time, so you can imagine how my mind is currently working, would be interested to hear if anyone else has had to have scans and what the outcome was.
lots of love to you all
Alisonxxxxxxx

Alison

i seem to be the same video!!!!!!!!!!! help

Alison

well what a time its been, i have never had a xmas or new year that was so busy and so full of fun, i even tolerated the outlaws!!!!! so now its back to normal, went to see the shoulder specialist yesterday and have been put on the waiting list to have some bone scraped off my shoulder, how nice! they did a bit of a pre-op as it will only be a quick day jobbie, all was going well until she took my blood pressure, low and behold, it was 200/117, so i have to now go in early feb to have a full pre-op assessment, so not a happy bunny about that, so this thursday i shall being going to the gps to try to get this blood pressure sorted once and for all, i have been walking at least every other day for the last month and a bit, doing between 1-2 miles with the dog, i have gone from a size 16 in jeans to a size 14, i have felt really healthy, then my blood pressure takes the mickey!!!!!!!!!!!! oh well, at least it will be a good laugh to see the look of confusion on the gps face when i hold my leg out instead of my arm to have my blood pressure done, that will be the most enjoyable part of the visit!
lots of love to you all
Alisonxxxxxxx

Alison

Just to say a very happy christmas and new year to everyone on here, its been a fantastic year in so far that so many of us have met up and become good friends, we have all suffered ups and downs and know that on here we can gain support and love, i think that makes us all very special on here. so like most of us,i probabley won't get on here much over the next few weeks, so i raise my glass of plenty to you all and wish you all health and happiness for the coming new year.
lots of love as ever
Alisonxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Alison

Hello everyone, yes its me, feel like i have been off this planet but just really been recovering from my recent surgery, anyway, just wanted you to know i am fine and doing well, will give a bit more detail next time i come here
lots of love
Alisonxxxxxxxx

Alison

well i have had a lovely day today, met up with Kate at Euston station, we had two lovely hours together, i really could have stayed all day, thank you so much Kate for a lovely time, and we will do it again very soon, but saying that, we will meet again at the Leicester Fiesta
lots of love
Alisonxxxxxxxxx

Alison

The loss of my left breast

I lie in the hospital bed for two days
The catheter in place along with my four drains
I feel swollen and sore and raw inside
My mind can’t decipher what has happened yet
The loss of my left breast

Day three is here and the catheter is out
I walk alone to the sterile bathroom with leaden feet
With my four drains in a Morrison’s bag
I need to look in a mirror so I can see
The loss of my left breast

I struggle to undo the hospital gown
With its two pieces of string at the back
Untangling the four drains isn’t so easy
I can’t use my left arm so well with
The loss of my left breast

I stand naked in front of a mirror
The tidal wave of tears distorting
What I need to see right now
This lump of muscle and gel so swollen
The loss of my left breast

At least I have still got the skin
Though the nipple is no more
The muscle from my back has replaced
All that was there before
The loss of my left breast

I no longer have any feeling
All that went with the rest
Skin from my back where my nipple once sat
Is so pale and flat
The loss of my left breast

This breast that once suckled three children
That welcomed my lover’s lips
Will never again feel that pleasure
Will never again know such bliss
The loss of my left breast

Alison

well it been a funny day, went to get my blood pressure monitored, its still a tad higher than it should be, then it was off to macc to see the shoulder specialist, oh he stood behind me and moved my arm, and god did it hurt!!!!!! anyway, he was not aware that i had fallen down a flight of stairs, he thought it was just from the surgery i had had, but he has given me an appointment for an mri scan, on the 10th of july at 8.10pm, yes, on my middle son's birthday, that will be two i have missed on the trot due to this blinkin cancer!!!!!!!!! they are scanning it to make sure that nothing nasty is there, why not just x ray it i do not know!!!!!!!! anyway, he is a lovely lovely man, so nice and caring and that really does make a difference i feel.
love to you all
Alisonxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Alison

The lips of cancer have touched me
weather its the kiss of life
weather its the kiss of death
i do not know
i do know that now i live in an uncertain world
one that i had never thought could exist in my life
i now know what it is to live with fear
no day will ever be like it was before this visit
i feel that i was ignorant of what has gone before me
when cancer has kissed the one's that i loved
i saw the outward devastation only
i felt the inner turmoil that losing someone brings
i never felt the fear that they felt
never felt that trauma from within
yet i never want anyone to feel as i do now
to wonder where happiness went and when sadness begins
a sadness that seems so deep rooted within
so truly devastating that i don't know where to turn
the lips of cancer have touched me
kiss of life or kiss of death
does it really matter so much
life will appear as it has always been to those
that the lips of cancer have not touched

Alison

well, finally got the letter that i have been waiting for re my mammogram, so its at 4.15pm on the 15th of july, i also have an appointment that day to see the surgeon, and thats at 10.10pm!!!!!!! neither appointments can be changed, so i am going to take a picnic with me and sit in the park over the way, cos its too much to drive to buxton and back. then when i finally get home after hitting all the maccelsfield traffic we are off to do battle with the traffic on the m6 on our way towards carlise for the night, as its off to edinburgh the next day to see the one and only leonard cohen, so bit of a full day me thinks! i may even take my ipod so that i can treat the poor unsuspecting folk of macc to my awful voice lol!!!!!!!!!

Alison

at 4pm yesterday at Eusten, we all sat on a bench outside, eating pasties, and drinking wine from M&S, it was lovely and sunny, warm, we had a great chat and a few laughs isn't fate amazing!!!!!!! so if your reading this jg, hope it has gone well today xxxxxxxxxx love to all four of you and thank you for the lovely hours spent together
Alisonxxxxxxxxxx

Alison

at 1am, i sat in the grounds of this great church, and am sure i have spelt the name wrong!!!!!! i had me ipod on full blast, and i was singing me heart out, it was great lol so to all who walked past that great church in the early hours of the morning, it wasn't a werewolf, it was me!!!!!!!! oh how lovely it is at times to not be afraid of the dark, or the city, and to lose all of ones inhibitions, i felt so liberated
lots of love
Alisonxxx

Alison

what a fantastic weekend, got some really good qaulity time with Debbie and Linda, Linda really should be called Mary Poppins xxxxxxxxxx thank you for all your hard work Linda xxxxxx i think and i hope that the weekend went really well, ok, the weather was crap, and watching those men putting that gazebo up was such a hoot!!!!!!! took a woman to sort em out lol xxxxx but really, the weather didn't matter at all, what really mattered was that we all got on so well, we all did our fair share of laughing (me so much that my throat is hurting!) Paul and Jayne's Hubby Gary made fantastic women (both looking better in my old dresses then i ever did!!!!!!!) Escoffier is such a good chef, my hubby wants her to move in!!!!! and everyone all shared the work load, in fact, i think i did a really good job of being the supervisor lol xxxxxx and yes, there was a few tears, mostly from me!!!!!!! cos i am such a sensitive soul!!!! so thank you all so very much for the lovely flowers, presents, and the fantastic company xxxxxx my neighbours want paul and carol and lesley as permenent house guests!! you are all more than welcome to our home anytime you want. Rolland was so flattered that some of you thought he was my hubby lol, he is now quite gutted that he isn't lol, Neil says a big Hi to you all, like me he thinks you are all fantastic people, and he is right, you arexxxxxxxxxx anyway, as you all now, i could speak for england, so i shall shut up now and i reckon we all need to get concentrating on the "LEISCESTER FIESTA" what a fantastic name that is xxxxxxxxx
love as ever
Alisonxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Alison

you folks are being oh so brave
coming to the Buxton Rave
the first of many i am sure
and i'll welcome you all at the door
we'll celebrate the longest day
not one of us will feel dismay
we may just shed a tear or three
underneath me christmas tree
we might knock back a nip or two
whilst standing waiting for the loo
we'll eat and drink and merry make
and do it all for auld langs sake
and all of us will have a ball
we'll even catch you if you fall
to be your hostess is just great
i really think it must be fate
so in your dairy put the date
just make sure that your not late
lots of love
Alisonxxxxxxxxxxxx

Alison

Cancer is a little bug
that looks down at us from up above
it takes it's time to find its prey
chooses who will live to see the day!

cancer is a little sod
moving round our helpless bod
god has given it the nod
to make us feel so on our tod!

just thought i would try me hand at a bit of poetry, not very good i know, anyone fancy adding to it??
lots of love
Alisonxxxx

Alison

well, its nearly the end of the 1st anniversary of being diagnosed with breast cancer today, some very mixed emotions, not an awful lot to say really, it has been just as i expected it to be, full of sadness and full of happiness cos i am still here, bursting into tears at the drop of a hat, smiling at the least little thing. i am very lucky, that much i do now, each day is indeed a blessing, not much more to add, unlike a scouser to be lost for words eh???????
lots of love
Alisonxxxxxxxxxx

Alison

hi all xxx well today i had my tattoo done, it was completely painless and it really does look 3D so am chuffed about that, there is the risk that it could peel off, but fingers crossed, and even if it does, well, it can be done again! also, well, i am not going to see the oncologist again, in future i am just going to see my surgeon, that is what i feel comfortable with, i have had a chest xray today, also had bloods taken to check my calcium, kidneys, liver and blood count, so at last i feel that i have been taken seriously, my surgeon thinks the pain in my chest could be something to do with my displacing my muscle when i fell down that flight of stairs in october, he is also going to refer me to a shoulder expert and will set up a mammogram for me, so i am a happy woman today!!!!!!!!!! so now i have the secure knowledge of knowing that i will only have to see the one professional and thats a lovely feeling for me as i can talk to my surgeon with no reserve. going to the local hospice has also helped so much, i will now look forward to each tuesday and that will be my ME day, i am not going to worry about the tests i have done, as i now see that i have wasted far too much time on thinking of the what if's so its time to get on with life and enjoy itxxxxxxxxx
lots of love to you all
Alisonxxx