Back again

Hi Andy,

Nice to see you back again. I'll make this brief cos I'm having a panic attack.

I can see how you might feel you have nothing left to live for and no-one would miss you if you weren't here, but I can assure you that that is most certainly not true. I'm sure you would leave a huge void in a great many lives.

You're a young goodlooking guy and you obviously have a big heart, there is someone out there who will love you more than life itself, just let them find you.

Right, I just needed to say that.. now back to my panic attack...

Dear Andy

What a tough time you're having - I really do understand as I went through the same things just a few years ago; my father died, then my husband died very suddenly aged 48, and a few months later I lost my mother. Like you I felt totally alone in the world and did ask myself what was the point of carrying on. And now, 5 years later, I have cancer myself and I have realised that I am very blessed with my friends and that I have one hell of a lot to live for.

It takes time - and you can only take one step at a time, one day at a time - then suddenly you remember that life is worth living. As Marsha said, you're a young, goodlooking guy and there is someone out there looking for you. And please - go a little easier on yourself - this is all new and raw and shocking, and there aren't any guidelines. You're allowed to feel confused and depressed. But from someone who has also been there - it does get easier.
Please look after yourself and keep in touch with us.
Love, Kate xxx

Hi Andy. Sorry to hear of your pain mate. There's nothing really a stranger can do to ease it except to say some of us have experienced it and I believe that you can come through it. The grief you experience is real and I know can almost physically hurt. Many of us have lost folks close to us, I lost my Dad when I was 16 and I lost my brother at 54. Take things one step at a time, one day at a time. Have you considere talking to a counsellor, or a bereavment counsellor or The Samaritans at the times you have your darkest thoughts. It may be worth considering, they cannot take away your hurt, but may be able to let you release some of your thoughts and feelings on them. Come back into the chatroom more, I have found it helpful over the past couple of months. Good Luck, there are people who care. God Bless David

I have been in this sort of place several times in my life, after horrible things have happened (the first time when I was raped, aged 14). I did go on, and when I look back I am glad that I did, because although I had to face several more really hard times, I also met some amazing people, went to some amazing places, and finally managed to get an inkling of what I could have achieved if all the crap hadn't happened.

It must feel now that Fate has especially picked on you, but you can claw your way back. Your life is a story, and I hope that you want to read on because there will be good and exciting and new things that will follow on. Maybe it's time to think about a different career, a different country even - some time travelling. Like Marsha says, you are attractive, articulate, and I really hope that you meet someone who will make life worth living again (ok I'm a Romantic).

Look after yourself - and try to remember that your parents would be very upset if they knew that you were so unhappy. They obviously loved you.

Please keep in touch with us here, as we care what happens, and will worry about you now!

xxxx Penny

It is a bad place you are in at the moment, and of course it is natural to feel like that.

I think you could make a small effort to get yourself out of it. Promise yourself that every day you will make yourself a decent meal. Or if you don't feel like it, go out and have one.

Go out for a walk every day, 7 am is a good time, when the world is fresh and new. Just 15 minutes to half an hour. If you can't do it on your own, meet a friend or get a dog. While you are out, find a flower, or a bird or something that might take your attention and identify what it is, by looking it up. Even if you have identified it, find out a bit more about it.

You won't feel like doing this, but if you do it anyway, it will be an anchor as your mood improves. You will see the seasons moving round, and when the spring comes, you might feel you are floating away.

I expect a daily report about this, and you can tell me what you saw.

Best wishes

Ruth

Aww my heart really does go out to you - of course you will come back here when you are low - we all do! I do not expect you will ever get over all the things that life has thrown at you in such a short space of time. I think comming on here and telling others how you are feeling does make you feel better - so does crying in the shower!!! I am not sure if you want to become a bird twicher or botanist as Ruthless suggested - however I can tell you that exercise has proved to be very beneficial in lifting your spirits without the use of drugs. So maybe you could try joining a gym or something - I had thought it could be a good way to make new friends and lift your mood in one fell swoop. Anyway - I hope we see you again to and dont be too hard on yourself - lows are to be expected but you will move forward. Someone said we never get over losing a loved one - but we somehow learn to rejoin the world and carry on despite losing them, or something similar. It made sense to me anyway :o) Good luck and best wishes, Love Jools x x x

Andy - you've had a lot of grief in your life (real grief, the bereavement kind, not the trivial 'hassle' kind). Bereavement is the worst thing that can happen (bar it happening to you....). You're reeling in shock - it's not even a year since you lost your parents, and their deaths must bring back the grief and misery of losing your partner earlier.

As the others here have said - this is not a 'normal' time in your life, it is a deeply, deeply abnormal one, atypical. You think it will never end, beause it is so intense, so terrible, but, little by little, you will emerge. You know all the stages of grieving, you've been thre already, and maybe that is making your grieving now, worse, because you know what you are in for.

But, but but, day by day, you will emerge. As said, you KNOW your parents do not want you to be unhappy, and for their sake, as well as your own, hang on in there.

What Ruth has said, about getting out into fresh air, I echo completely. Exercise, however gentle, is a healing thing, and though you may feel you don't WANT to be healed, because the grief has overhwlemed you, still, it WILL start to heal you all the same.

I'm going to add one more thing - if you feel, right now, that your life is meaningless, that everything been's taken from it, that everyone's been taken from you, see if, if it's possible, to make YOURSELF a 'giver'. Even if you think everything has been taken, still, put a little back. It doesn't matter what it is, helping in an Oxfam shop, signing up forthe many volunteer options that councils highlight on their web and so on, fundraising for a charity, whatever it is, however you do it, by giving, by turning outward, you may (I hope) find a renewed meaning for your life. You don't have to do it forever, just as a stepping stone.

Whatever you do, don't end your life. You are surounded here by people who would give the WORLD for eithr themselves, or someone they love, to have the chance of a normal lifespan - you have been given, if you are well yourself, SUCH a precous gift. Use it wisely - enjoy it, for our sakes, and then, as the sun comes back into your soul, for your own sake.

Take care - and take care of yourself, and others, and find your soul re-lighting with the will to live.

Best, Julie

"For it is in giving, that we receive."

Oh Andy ...just want to give you a big hug.....I feel your pain also...I'm new to this wonderful site...so bear with me...if this dosesn't get through to you.....I'm shattered also..but it's not about me.....but hey..I just want to turn the clocks back 3 weeks..and things to be just the same ...now you stay well.. thanks for listening I'm hurting ....xxxx