Dad with Myeloma
Posted on: Fri, 16/05/2008 - 01:32
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Dad with Myeloma
Hello,
My dad, aged 46 has been diagnosed with Multiple Myeloma. It all started after he broke his arm while lifting something. He went for test after test after test and they told him he had a lesser form of Myeloma...forgive me, I can't remember the name. Anyway, he then went on to develop a tumour behind his eye which he had radiotherapy for then they discovered it wasn't what they first though but it was in fact Myeloma.
That was 18 months ago now. I've seen my dad in hospital for 6 months, out again, then in again...he's had so many different treatments, including the stem cell transplant. He went into remission in January....but it came back in March. He's now on another cycle of treatment and in discussion about having another stem cell transplant...but his sister will be donor.
Everyone here seems to be so positive and together...I was at first but it's slowly dragged me down because nothing seems to work. If I could go through it all for my dad, I would. I just hate seeing him ill, we have no idea how long we have left with him and that just breaks my heart. I'm so sorry for being negative and down, I try to be strong usually but this week has been a bad one and I just want him to be better.
He'd never been ill, ever, before this and sometimes I wonder if all these drugs and treatments and everything are actually doing anything to help him. He is coping with it, much better than I am! And he's relatively active and positive but when he gets ill, I get so scared for him.
Oh I'm rambling again. Sorry.
I try to talk to friends about it but they don't know what to say and change subject...I'm trying to be the strong one for the family so whenever I'm with them I pretend to be happy and not worried...it's times like this where I breakdown because he's my dad and I love him and hate to see him go through this.
I don't speak to mum or dad about how I'm feeling as they have enough to worry about, without me adding to it. I feel silly for even crying about it, as it's not me going through it.
I'm so sorry to bring this here...I guess I just needed to release some stuff going on in my head.
Thanks for reading.
I'm so sorry you're going through all this. I can imagine that most of your friends are rather embarrassed by the situation, so I'm really glad that you've found this site as an outlet. There are quite a few MM suffererson What Now, so I'm sure you'll get some really useful responses from them - they are all extremely brave and remarkably cheerful. Talking to my partner, when I first got diagnosed, I said, "At least I'm glad it's ME", and he responded, that he wished it was HIM. It's very hard to be the one standing by, and I'm not surprised you're having a bit of a tearful time. I'm sure though that crying occasionally does us a lot of good - escape valve - so I think you are perfectly normal in everything you are thinking and feeling. I really hope that the new treatment is going to be a success. How wonderful of his sister to be a donor for him, and fortunate that they are compatable. Keep talking to us here, Trixie, and I hope that we can be a bit of support for you. Has your dad got a Cancer MacMillan nurse, as mine said that they are there not only for the patients but the family, too. Lots of hugs xxx Penny
Penny
Thank you for being so honest, I think your Dad is lucky to have such a lovely daughter. My husband is 45 and has myeloma and our eldest daughter is about your age... I think you're doing great.
If you wanted, I'm sure you could talk to your Mum and Dad about how you're feeling; they've probably got some idea already and they will understand that it is hard for ALL of the family - also nobody has to be 100% positive all the time 'cos it's impossible!
Some of my friends have been a bit weird too, but I actually asked one particular friend if I could talk to her about the myeloma over a coffee and that made it easier, as she said yes and we had a proper space and time to do that! Then I felt back to being myself again.
Obviously it's your choice about talking to your Mum and Dad but I really think they will understand all the different things you are feeling - they do know you pretty well!
As I said I really admire you and hope that things turn around with the next lot of treatments.
Best wishes, Clarity.