i'm new and very sad

Dear Petra, although I can't tell you anything about your Dad's type of cancer (my husband has a quite different one), I CAN tell you that he's got a treasure in you! YOU, and your brother, will undoutbedly be the best therapy he could have, because you love him and care for him and are rooting for him all the way - you will comfort him immensely, just by being there for him.

I wish him all the best, and you too at this exceptionally difficult time in your lives.

These early days after diagnosis are some of the hardest ever, because you are in shock and dismay and fear and uncertainty, and just WISH it were all 'not true'. So make allowances for yourself, and for your reactions - your emotions will be all over the place, and going into places you never have been before, with all the shock and intensity.

After a little while, as you begin to take on board what is happening, things DO ease up, and become easier to cope with, so hang on in there.

Whatever happens, your dad knows that he's raised a fantastic daughter, who is worthy of him.

I hope you will stay on this site, because you will find so many here who are relatives and caregivers to those we love suffering from cancer, and we are all here to help and support each other as we can.

Take heart. Best wishes, Julie.

Hello Petra,
I am so sorry to hear about your dads illness.
He sounds like a lovely man, and it must be so
hard for you and your brother.
Your dad will need you to be strong, there will
be times when the treatment will make him feel
rotten, and you just being there for him,to
listen when he needs to talk, and to reasure
when his feeling down, and if he knows you are
coping, well that will be a worry off his mind.
I cant help you about the side effects of his
treatment because not everyone reacts in the
same way.You know your dad better than anyone,
take each day as it comes, and continue to
log into this site because you will find many
people here who will help you to get through
this journey.
I send you and your dad a big hug, and i will
be here for you at any time
love to you both . linda.xxxx

thnk you linda and julie for your kind words, was very touched. quick update.. i have pulled myself together, although i still have my weepy moments and i am sure there will be many more to come. My dad is home now with his steroids and a few other pills. we have another hospital appointment next week for bone marrow sample, and to get started on the chemo tablets.

i am still seeing my dad every single day. He is very weak at the moment and is having a few nose bleads.he is very emotional still and is planning who gets what and trying to sort his finances and things, i guess this is his way of dealing with things. He won't see anyone at the moment aprt from me.. he doesn't even want a visit from my brother at the moment.

i am dreading the hospital next week, im scared for my dad more than anything, i know he may have some nasty side affects from the chemo, and i dont want him to be in pain.

thanks again for your kind words.

Petra x

Petra and DAD!

We are all different in the way we tackle the bombshell news, however we must give our body the maximum opportunity (with the assistance of the chemo etc) to fight our Cancer(s)

My own primary was eventually found to be deep seated at the back underside of the tongue, it remained unnoticed until after various secondaries had come to light, which was early 2006.

As there are so many different threads on the site it is worthwhile for you to read through as many as you can as lots will give yoy the kind of help and information you may be seeking. Indeed if you find something you can then follow it up on th forum or contact the writer by the personal message link which is at the side of the response.

I copy below a topic I posted about six months ago which you might find worthy of consideration,

Matt Embleton

In Early 2006I was given between 3 to 6 months and placed on DLA Special Measures, see my story on the Multiple other cancers forum and also Lung Cancer Forum. I would strongly encourage anyone to at least consider the following tips which have certainly helped me get here today.....and by the way I'm doing pretty well really and rather than kicking up the daisies this week I have completed three 30 mile cycle rides and two 100 mile classic motor bike rides - still can't walk very well which is a bit of a mystery, but what the hell life is pretty good really!

MATTS TEN TIPS

1. Do not get angry or start looking to blame others or wonder why your GP didn’t refer you earlier. Who are you going to get angry with your anger and similarly the anger of your loved ones can only affect you and your family. Anything that detracts from your ability to come to terms with the cards you have now been dealt can only have an adverse effect on you and your treatment.

2. Despite the temptation, which often seems quite overwhelming, to keep things to yourself – DON’T. The dreaded word Cancer should not be something whispered in quiet corners and talked about behind close doors. To be able to become focussed for your battle you, your family and friends need to be able to openly discuss your Illness – Remember that although all cancers can’t be cured ALL CANCERS CAN BE TREATED.

3. Talking about your cancer will initially be very difficult, especially when old friends (who don’t know) phone up telling you about their great holiday and how well you were looking last time they saw you. If you have access to E Mails take yourself to your computer write a “round robin” letter to your friends about the discovery of the cancer, what the specialists have said, any treatment they are proposing or tests you still have to have….write this at the computer by yourself - have a jolly good cry whilst you are writing it….but remember point 1) don’t allow yourself to feel angry. Send this letter to everyone starting it off Dear Friends, I am sorry to toss this bombshell to you but thought you should be aware of my recent unexpected news. For the last twelve months I have been complaining of ….etc

4. Use the same letter but personalised to other “Family Members” – the news is the same so don’t spend every second in front of computer

5. If you don’t have a computer write one letter and get copies!

6. Regularly update your “Round Robins” – You will be surprised how it allows you to focus on fighting and more to the point how grateful friends and family will be.

7. Listen to your body but remember chances are that half the pain you are now aware of “because you have cancer” would more than likely be there anyway after all you are older than you were, it is winter cold and damp and remember that accident x years ago etc – Yes listen to your body and if necessary ease up slightly but if you were doing things the week before you were told you had cancer why can’t you still do them today!

8. Be aware that you are a lot stronger both mentally and physically that you possibly think – get your act together discuss things openly, allow people to help you do the things you want to but don’t get them to unnecessarily do them for you.

9. Realise that despite the many hiccups you may well encounter on the way you can develop a positive attitude. Cancer is just like a long and winding country road enjoy the good scenery and get past the rough areas as quickly and as safely as you can.

10. Failure only begins when you stop trying to succeed – don’t give up and the very best throughout your treatment utilise the discussion groups!

These are some of the things that have worked for me and quite a few people I have met annd talked to over the last two years have gained value from them.

Matt J Embleton

Just keep going
keep supporting
and hard as it will be - accept the times when pops tuns you away
"Putting the house in order" might be a way of grieving as well as coping
time alone needed but also time with people just "putting up with you"
...dont know if thats the same for your dad but it is kinda how i felt when diagnosed with my AML.

Love!

and more of it!

best kinda energy there is

*grins*

You're doing fine Petra at the most testing of times.
Bring your brother in, though.
You all need that Love!

thinking of you's

Paul

Hi

Like others on the site I don'y know a lot about your dads particular condition, But the inital diagnosis comes like a sledgehammer.

Your dad knows how much you love him and care believe me just being there will help. Once you get going things will become more instinctive. My first post on here was husband just dignosed with cancer feeling scared. I'm still scared at times, but not crying every moment like I was.

I couldnt evengo t the supermarket without starting to winge,much better now use this site to lean on people
Love to you and your family

Tina

xxx

Dear Petra

My thoughts are with you at this time, i know exactly what you are talking about as i was in a similar situation when both my parents were diagnosed with cancer within a year of each other.

The hardest thing is to actually accept the diagnosis the shock of it stays for a while.

I think the best thing you can do is just to be there for your dad and offer as much or as little help as he needs, i know from personal experience that one of his biggest worries will be how you and your brother are coping.

Just be there for him and each other support and love go a long way.

I wish i could say it gets easier but you will be suprised at the strength and the coping power you find within yourself during the illness.

As to the side affects they are different for different people but in most cases it can make them feel very weak and miserable, believe me just being there with the story of your day makes a big difference.

Keep your chin up.

My thoughts are with you and your family at this time

God bless
Andy

A few years ago, when a friend's father was dying of cancer, I advised her to tell her father that she must tell the rest of the family. She was the only one who knew. I believe she did, even though her mother was in total denial, her siblings and her formed a strong group to support him in his last illness. She needed some support as well as her father and he was forced to agree that she should have it.

This is a family thing, and your brother should know, even if he can't support your father, he can support you. How old is he by the way? Try to persuade your father that your brother needs to see him.

You do need to do some research. Your father's oncologist will be able to tell you a lot. A Macmillan nurse should be around to advise you about the side effects of his current chemotherapy, and some strategies to cope with them. Nausea is the most common across them all, and there is medication that helps, but one of mine would knock me out for a few hours, and I would only take it on the first day of chemo when I went back to bed anyway.

I hope you find a way of coping day to day. Try to get a breath of fresh air as often as possible, at least every day. It helps you see things in proportion, and you are dealing with a lot of stress at the moment.

Keep posting here, and you will find a lot of support and help from several people.

Best wishes

Ruth