MLL

I'm the one who's terminal in our relationship, and I know how hard it must be for my partner. When he's out, that's one of the few things that makes me cry: what'll happen to him afterwards. It's good to give yourself, the carer, a bit of space: to escape for a while. Is there anyone who could sit with him so that you can really go out.? Don't feel guilty about going and doing something you used to enjoy and trying not to think about the situation. You really do need an escape valve. You may find yourself having more quality time with him afterwards, because you feel a bit stronger. I send you both my greetings and good wishes. xxxxx Penny

HI Penny. Thanks for that. I have a good family support network but JOhn is getting that he would rather be on his own. We have been married for 26 years and we have never shared much on feelings but since this we have talked a lot and have said all the sad things and laughed too but he is now just moping. I do get out and am back at work tomorrow and will do a few hours most days and that has kept me sane but all that is going round in my head is what when he isn't around and I can't focus oin anything right now. I just feel like John has an imaginary calendar in his head and he sits crossing off time. Sorry I must sound selfish, it is frustration and anxiety I think. Thanks for taking the time to talk and my thoguhts are with you and your family. Do you have MLL too
T

Hi Pendle, even though i am not terminal, well, i've found that i do crave being on my own at times, its not cos i don't love my husband or children, its just that i felt i needed the time to sort my own head out, and yes, i am very guilty of shutting my husband out especially whilst i was waiting for my histology, i just think sometimes its how we feel we can cope, i didn't realise what an awful effect my going off into my own little world was having on my family until i saw how upset my husband got on new years eve, think that woke me up a little to the impact my having bc has had, so now i am quite honest and just tell my family that i'm needing a bit of me time and won't be long, i think its working better for us now.
lots of love
Alisonxxx

Hi Alison
Thanks for that view point I will talk to mu husband and try to see if that is how he is feeling. I have to say I have told him, and we know each other well enough, that he sometimes suggests to me to go out for a walk. I just get cross and disappointed with myself that even when I have been out or been a work for a while within minutes of getting in I can feel myself winding up, but then I guess if I am honest iot is a bit like when you are pregnant and every thing is worse or hightened because of the pregnancy and now it is because of the leukaemia.
Thas again
Trying to stay realistic x