Mom just been diagnosed with bile duct cancer - inoperable.just looking for some help & support

Hi,

Sorry to hear your news. I'm don't know about how things work in your area, but when I go for chemo, there is a small area off the waiting room where patients and family / friends can call in for information or support. I think that it's run by Macmillan. The thing is, I was diagnosed in January, had my surgery in March, yet only found out about this when I started chemo earlier this month. It may be worth you asking, or even going with your mother to her appointments if she's ok with that.

Of course that sort of support is ok for information, and finding out what help is available etc, but for emotional support you cant beat a good friend. This web site is full of people who will understand where you are coming from.

Kevin

let me first say how very sorry i am to hear about your dear Mum x i am sure you and the rest of your family are a great support to her at this time, i am so glad that you have found this site, the helpline is very good and the folk on here all understand where you are coming from and will support you as much as we all can x the chatroom is a good place to go, its interactive so you may find talking in real time to some of the members beneficial.
and of course on here is good too xxx
thinking about you and your family
lots of love
Alisonxxx

Yes, am very very sorry to hear your news about your Mum - everyone in the family's world just turned upside down. All I can say is that there is always Hope. If it is treatable, then that is something, and although it may not be what you would want to hear (ie complete cure), it does mean that the doctors have not given up on her! I hope that you will all get some support both from this site and from your own Cancer MacMillan nurses - has your Mum been assigned one yet? May have to ask, as I, like Crazy Fox, was not told about this facility until another patient mentioned at at end of my chemo. Hope your family live close enough to mum to give practical assistance during treatment, and make sure that she is eating healthily and coping with side-effects. xxxx Penny

hi with this news please try a shamanic healer as i have done as the spirits really want to help and also great support available at your local spirital church who are kind beyong belief and can do amazing things. the mind is a very powerful healer and can sometimes cure things the doctors cant. please keep in touch as i am sure i can get you some numbers of people who may be able to help. love and best wishes to you both. tina

Thanks to everyone for your kind thoughts and support. Mom has been told that Macmillan nurse will be in touch tomorrow, think they are going to try and sort her drugs out as morphine makes her sick and ill. She has an appointment with Oncologist week on wednesday. I spent hours with her yesterday and we talked, cried etc. She says she's not giving up and she's always been a fighter but have just spoken to her and she's in such incredible pain. I'm trying to stay positive but she seems to be deteriorating each day and I'm so worried about my Dad - they will have been married for 45 years at the end of the month and hardley ever been apart. I'm trying to be strong for him but he's just so devastated, as we all are. I know I'm starting to come to terms with it but still can't quite believe it.

life does have a tendancy to become a little surreal, but you all need to make sure that you can vent the anger and the frustration , the worry, well, thats not going to go away, and at times it will feel like sitting on a time bomb. the macmillian are really good when it comes to pain control, they will soon have that sorted for you mum, and that will enable her to function more calmly and in turn that will help you all to cope a little better, there is nothing worse then seeing the ones we love in any sort of pain at the best of times xxxxxxxx
lots of love to you all
Alisonxxxxxxxxxx

Obviously the priority is to get the pain factor sorted, and I hope that this will be done tomorrow at the very latest. It is so hard to be positive and fight when you are in pain, and it is also distressing for those watching on. You and your Dad must feel helpless. I think at this moment all we can do is to say that we are here, willing things to improve, and understanding how you are all feeling. I am glad that you are able to spend time with your Mum. Do you work for a sympathetic employer who could give you some leave to be with your Mum? Thinking of you xxxx Penny

Hi, haven't posted for a while - life has been such a rollercoaster... finally my dad brought the subject up with my daughter and I had to fill in the missing gaps... is it me ?? I don't understand what I'm feeling now_ for the past few days I've been feeling positive - even though she's seen the professor. He said there's no point in treatment because it could make things worse?? He has told her she has weeks?????!"!!!! I don't think she'll make days... and my sister is bringing her wedding forward to this fri??. I'm all over the shop.

I really feel for you at this latest news. I'm not surprised you sound dazed. Well, the professor is probably right, as chemo or radio bring on such unpleasant side-effects that to add those if they are not going to do much good is just making things worse for your Mum, although I understand that everyone else watching wants everything to be tried. There IS always hope, however, and sometimes people rally back for a while. I hope this is the case with your dear Mum.

I am glad that your sister has managed to bring the wedding forwards, as I know that being able to attend that will give your Mum enormous emotional pleasure. Just remember that we are all here for you, and are thinking of all of you. Please give my love to your Mum xxx Penny

Hi everyone,
Mom passed away on thursday, it was so quick, only 3 weeks after diagnosis and just over a week after she had seen professor who told her she had weeks. I'm on a rollercoaster of emotions but I was with her in the last moments and I'm thankful that she didn't suffer for months/years. My Dad is saying that it can't be the cancer that killed her so quickly and it must be something they did at hospital. I've tried to tell him that it can happen this quickly but he just can't accept it. My daughter has been amazing- children have a special quality that lets them deal with incredibly difficult situations. We are in the process of arranging and sorting and I feel like i'm in Limbo at the moment x

Yes, it's a terrible shock for it to happen so quickly, but it certainly isn't unprecedented, and I am glad that you have all been spared a protracted struggle and all the misery that goes with that. I'm so very sorry for your poor Dad, for whom it must be very difficult to accept. This has been a tragedy for your family, but I know what you mean about children being the saviour with the things that they say: they just have a different way of looking at things, and their logic can be a lifeline at times like this.
I just want to say how very sorry I am, and also that we weren't able to do more for you on the site. Take care of yourself, and your Dad. xxx Penny