Mum just been diagnosed with cancer
Posted on: Thu, 20/03/2008 - 21:17
Offline
Mum just been diagnosed with cancer
Hi there. My mum was admitted to hospital just over a week ago as she collapsed at her GPs during a routine visit. After complaining to him for months about increasingly severe pain in one of her arms and her back, it turns out that she has secondary cancer of the bones, liver and lymph nodes. They have yet to be able to pin point the primary cancer despite carrying out mri, ct scan, liver biopsy, x-rays etc.
After speaking to her consultant in private he told me that she has a very, very aggressive form of cancer and assuming the results finally show that the cancer is untreatable, then she only has weeks to live. He has said even with palliative care she may only get an extra week or two.
I am absolutely heart broken as my mother does not yet know this as they wont confirm this to her until they have quite rightly received the results from all of her tests.
In one breath she is talking about her funeral etc and expecting the worse, but in the next breath she is talking about what she is going to do etc when she gets better. Even if it cant be cured she says "well I hope I go quickly like 3-6 months". I cant even imagine the devastation she will feel if she gets told it will only be 3-6 weeks.
I really feel like I have had my heart scooped out of me and just left with a massive void. I think realistically given her age (60) and the amount of secondary cancers she has, it will in all likelihood be terminal.
I havent really got any questions, just need to vent somewhere where hopefully people understand what I am going through right now.
The thought of having to watch her go over the next few weeks just crumbles me.
so sorry to read about your mum, its really hard to cope with a;ll the news at once isnt it,i had the same thing with my sister recently,she had a bowel op last year and was told that all the cancer had been removed, then went in with a kidney infection and was told then that the cancer had spread to her liver stomach and pelvis, we were all in shock as we had expected to see her recover well, any way she passed away last week ,on the same day as my other brother in law who also was given months but only had weeks so i feel for you ,just stay strong for your mum and be with her all you can, the nurses at the hospice were wonderfull and we sat with her for days and they were so gentle with her ,and i know she passed with absolutley no pain . i will be thinking of you and pray you will get the strenght to carry on .take care love lynn xx
everyday is a new start
Hi, so sorry to hear about your mum, you obviously love and care about your mum. Shes going to need you more than ever now, so try to be strong for her, and be there when shes down.You sound like your very supportive, its never going to be easy for you but one comfort your mum still has, the love of her son, so reassure your mum that you will always be with her. Your also going to need the support, speak to the macmillan nurses, they will help you and your mum. Bless her. Go into the chat room and speak to people here who are going through the same as you. Talking about your fears and getting good advice will help you through. Take care Maria xx
maria
Unfortunately my mum passed away yesterday. All of her hopes were dashed and she ended her days in a private room in the hospital with those who loved her the most holding her hand and stroking her hair as she took her last breaths.
I am absolutely crushed and yesterday will take a long long time to forget, seeing your mum that you loved dearly dying infront of you is very traumatic, but i am glad i was there for her and she wasnt on her own.
thanks for your kind words
I am so sorry to read about your Mum.. I am going through it at the moment and sometimes I think that I cannot cry anymore..
Those last days must of been terrible for you and my heart goes out to you. I hope day by day the pain will ease but believe me I do understand the pain - my heart feels like it has been ripped apart..we are still waiting for more results as they cannot find the primary.
My thoughts are with you. Take care of yourself.
I am so sorry to read about your mum. What a terribly sad time for you. How are you coping?
So sorry to hear sad news about your mum, life can be so cruel. Just make sure you tell your mum how much you love her.TAKE CARE XX
i sort of understand what you are going through. i found out a little while ago that my mum has only got a possible 6 months left to live, and it turns out that my 2nd child is due around the same time. its heartbreaking to think that my mum may not see her new grandchild. the worst part is that she is unaware that she is dying and of how long she has left because she has some mental problems and she wouldn't be able to cope if she knew. we have to pretend that nothing is really wrong other than that she is never going to walk again as she has 2 tumors on her spine and they are inoperable. she also has seveare lung cancer in both lungs and they are not going to treat her. it is so hard having to pretend and trying to cope with all of this but i find such comfort from talking to people on here that understand what im going through. im just very greatful that i still have 6 months left with my brilliant mum.
xxx
Hello - I am new to this, but have just read your post and I really empathise with you. My mum was diagnosed with Lung cancer in Feb and at that time although told it was terminal, she was well and then this week she has now been told she has a matter of months to live. I am devastated. It is so hard to accept- it is like someone has altered my life never to return to normal again. My mum is my rock, I am a single mum myself with a son of 6 and I just don't know how I am going to cope through this time and then afterwards without my lovely mum. I am trying so hard to make the most of her being here and I do wish I coudl be with her every minute of everyday but with job, son, responsibilites etc it is impossible. I keep thinking why her - why now - and i do feel for you too about to have another child and dealing with all this must be so hard for you too. My thoughts are with you. Reading the posts on here has made me realise that we are not alone.
I lost my 44 year old sister on 29th April, just 10 days after being diagnosed with secondary brain, lung, liver and bone cancer. Although it has totally blown me away that she went so quickly I need to look at it that at least she did not have to suffer treatment which would not have cured her but would just have made her really ill. Because of the brain tumour we are not even sure if she really knew how ill she was as it affected that particular part of the brain. She died very peacefully after slipping into a coma with all her immediate family with her but the image will be with me for ever. I keep trying to push it away with happier ones but it just keeps coming back. She is in my mind constantly which is a good thing but find it hard to concentrate on anything.
You have my greatest sympathy with how you are feeling.
Take care
Karen
and allow the other memories, much better ones, to flood back. I think as you say it is a very very good thing that your sister did not have to endure weeks of invasive and painful treatment. I am glad that she just slipped into a coma and went peacefully, and although you are finding it hard now to come to terms with having been present, I am sure that she would have been conscious of the presence of her family and this would have greatly comforted her. I think it is worse for both patient and for the family if they do not manage to "get there in time" and this causes more pain and guilt afterwards. You will never regret having been there for your sister, but I think if you had not got there, you would have wished that you had. With love and best wishes, and thanks for sharing your story with us xxxx Penny
Penny