My grandma has just been diagnosed
Posted on: Fri, 28/03/2008 - 13:50
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My grandma has just been diagnosed
My grandma is 78 years old and is the most caring and special person in the whole world. She looked after me ever since I was born and when my parents marriage broke up she picked up the pieces and let me lean on her for guidance and support. She is like my second mum and one of the best friends anyone could ask for and I spend most of my free time with her.
She was diagnosed yesterday with mesothelioma (lung cancer caused by asbestos) which has completely devastated my world. This type of cancer cannot be cured and its a case of controlling the symptoms as and when she gets them.
I am ashamed to admit that I am really scared and I don't know what to expect. I am feeling all sorts of emotions right now and im sure most of my family are too. It's funny really because my grandma is being so strong and im in pieces which makes me feel so guilty. She's even named her cancer "her little bugger". She only retired over a year ago at the age of 77 from working full time, which makes this seem so cruel as she hasn't been able to enjoy her retirement which she has worked so hard for. She hasn't been well since before christmas 2007. My mum and I went on numerous G.P visits with her because she became very breathless and began to struggle with the tiniest of tasks. He just said it was old age and she had to accept she is no 'spring chicken'. If he really knew my grandma he would have known something was wrong as she never complains about being ill and she has always been active.
Just a couple of weeks ago she was rushed to hospital as she couldn't breath and they found her right lung was full of fluid. They drained 2 litres of fluid off her lung and took a biospy. This diagnosis is completely unexpected as they never mentioned the possibility of cancer. We were told she has to go for radiotherapy and she is seeing her oncologist within the next couple of weeks.
It would be nice to here from someone who is going through this themselves and could give me advice on how to cope with this. I don't even know what to talk about when I go and see her as everything else seems so meaningless. I just want to get on with things like she is. People always say the person who has it copes better with the illness, which in this case is true. I don't blame anyone for this as the staff at the hospital were brilliant. I know this may sound selfish but i don't think it helps as I qualify as a nurse this year and im afraid my grandma won't make it to my graduation in December.
I know this is very bitty so i apologise for that. I just love my grandma to the end of the universe and back and don't want her to suffer. Noone deserves this no matter how old or young they are or whatever they've done in their life
Hi Sarah,
Sorry to hear about your grandma. The thing with this illness it makes us focus on IT rather than the person. Your grandma is still the same woman and the flip side of this illness means that it gives us the thumbs up that are loved ones will die at some point.
My suggestion, everytime you are with her fill that time to the max with special things. Bet she still wants to have normal conversations, that is what makes your relationship special. Everytime you make her smile, you hug and love you are beating that 'little bugger'!! The here and now is important, now is the precious time. You don't have a crystal ball, so don't try and see what the future holds. Look at the here and now and enjoy it. Make your grandma enjoy it.
Good Luck with the onco. I hope that helps? X
I joined the site today as I have been looking for people I could maybe chat to during this very confusing time.
My dad was diagnosed last October with mesothelioma, although I prefer your grandma's name. It is a very cruel disease with no cure and I like you wonder how they deal with it on a daily basis, but they do.
My only advice is give yourself a break, it is so hard for you dealing with this and there isn't anyone to talk to. If it's any consolation I'm in the same boat, I am brave for my dad, I'm brave in front of my son, and brave for my aunts, uncles, brothers etc but inside I'm screaming I am so scared and I don't know what to do.
All we can both do is be there, try and be normal (HA!) and get on with things as best we can, but if you need someone to talk to, or scream at, or have a confused emotional and incoherant conversation with someone in the same boat, feel free.
Barb x
Oh Barb and Sarah my heart really goes out to you. I've just lost my lovely dad. He was 77 and had battled for over 10 years with kidney cancer and non-hodgkins lymphoma, and finally succumbed to neutropenic sepsis and pneumonia three weeks ago. Like your gran, Sarah, he never let his problems get him down and he remained calm and cheerful right to the end, he is my inspiration.
And Barb, I know exactly where you're coming from, I didn't even tell my mum and dad about my recent brush with melanoma until the day before my operation (well they would have wondered where I was!) for fear of worrying them and causing more distress for the family. I too felt that I had to be brave in front of my siblings and my daughter and especially my mum, but at times I just feel like a little girl again and I want my daddy.
All you can do is be as strong as you can when you can.
Take care.
Marsha xx
Marsha x
Thanks Marsha your words meant a lot. I am so sorry for your loss, it's heartbreaking isn't it, you know you're going to loose them, but somehow - even at 40 I wasn't prepared I had a romantic (!) idea that he would go peacfully in his sleep. I think what's scaring him is the fact that he saw my mam go with lung cancer, so he thinks he knows what to expect and that's really scaring him.
He had a good visit with the consultant today and they have made a few adjustments to his meds to help with the vivid nightmare's he's been having they think it's the liquid morphine - so there's one to look out for for your grandma too Sarah, apparently it can give you nightmares, so they are seeing how he manages on the morphine patches and have introduced a steriod to help with his appetite and energy,he actually came out of the appointment smiling.
I hope this offers some comfort to you too Sarah and sorry for hyjacking your message.
Barb x
hi there
my own nan has just been diagnosed with terminal cancer of the pancreas, and they are not going to treat it, and they have said it is a matter of months. I feel so guilty as i am here in the uk, and she is in Ireland. And i do love and adore her...
But your nan sounds like a real tough lady who will fight this, as best she can. All we can do is be there for them when the tough times come. What is so bitter-sweet about my situation, is that i am due a baby any day now, and if it is a girl she will be called after her (already had decided this before we heard the news)...which my nan is so happy about. Anyway, would love to stay in contact, let me know how your nan is getting on.....
ciara
I know that your grandparents must be so proud of you. You never know, Sarah - it might be that your tough Granny might be around to see you with your certificate. Doctors are sometimes unnecessarily gloomy with their estimates. Ciara your nan must be so touched that your little girl is going to be called after her. That is a lovely thing to do. I remember my grandad dying of stoumach cancer (he'd spent years working in submarines, where they have a very poor diet and a lot of stress). I was just 15 at the time, and I still feel guilty that he might never have understood how much I loved him. Teenagers can be a bit existentialist. He gave me an album of photos he'd taken about 1930 out in the Far East, but sadly was never given the time to explain them all to me. He belonged to the generation that didn't talk about the war or what they'd been through. I treasured the album, and managed to find out a bit about it (eg that the couple with the biplane were the Lindbergs). I gave the album to my brother when I was told I would be dead in 3-4 months. I hope he and his daughter treasure it and think of him. Funny thing was that behind one of the photos, I found a photo of him with a glamorous blonde who definitely wasn't my granny!! As one of my friends says, it's not the date you were born, or the date you die that really matters, it's what you do in between, and it definitely sounds that there have been some grandparents on this forum who have lived life to the full and been an enormously good influence upon their families. xxxx Penny
Penny