Secondary Brain Cancer with a matter of weeks to go - help needed please?

I think your Mum comes before your students. It definitely sounds like your Mum cannot manage on her own, and is not safe to try to do so. Are you the only child, or is there someone to share this with? Has it been arranged for your Mum to have a bed in a hospice at some stage? Does she have a Cancer MacMillan nurse and a Community Nurse? Has her home been assessed for any improvements that can be made to make things easier for her: when I was diagnosed terminal my Cancer MacMillan nurse came round and arranged for the Community Nurse to contact me to assess my house for bathing/toilet/handrail on staircase - practical things to help.

I am so so sorry that this has happened when her lung had responded so well to treatment. Sending ((((((hugs))))))) and xxx to your Mum and to you. xxx Penny

With no easy answers! It may be days, weeks or longer. Talk to your employers - most decent ones are very understanding in this type of situation. Penny is right - you only have one Mum and I am sure you would wish to be there for her - as she would be for you. I realise there is an added pressure with the demands of your new job - which is of course important to you.
I hope and pray that you are able to resolve the various issues and that you have good friends, family and professional support in place for you and your Mum.

May God bless and guide you.

John

Hi Suzanne,

Well you have already been given some very good advice by a couple of veterans. Your family dynamic will help determine what you need to do at this point regarding your job and her care, so its hard to advise you on that without those particulars.

Anger is perfectly natural and quite frankly I'm impressed that you are there already! Shows me you are a fairly bright, stable person. Most of us sit in numb and apathy for quite a while before we get to anger, so good for you. But like many of these emotions, they are quite useless in moving us forward and doing what needs to be done, so do your best not to waste too much time with that as it will spill over into your Mom's well being if she picks up on it. Deep breath, long walk, stiff drink, whatever you can do to face it and help your Mom as best you can.

I know the trip to India from the US where I live, is quite long, so I don't know how easy it is for you to fly back and forth. These logistics will have to all be worked out for you and your Mom. The fact that its all so unpredictable is a real problem in these situations. So again, without knowing your family dynamic its hard to advise you. If you are only child, or only one able to help, or willing, then I would suggest you take a leave of absence from your job to care for your Mom. Even if they don't hold the job for you, they will be likely to take you back when you are able and they have an opening.

Our hearts go out to you in a big, big way. Stay Strong Suzanne. - Lori

My daughter has a brain tumour and last year she was having problems with being very sick, couldn't hear properly, vision problems and also being very irritable, which was not like her at all. It turned out that she had high pressure building up in her head, a CT scan showed enlarged ventricles and when they drained away some of the fluid (CSF), she improved, she now has a shunt to deal with this problem. I am not saying that this is the problem with your mum, but I just felt some of the symptoms were similar and you could maybe ask if this is a possibilty.
Thinking of you, if you want to talk some more please feel free to contact me.

Elaine

Hello all. Firstly so sorry for not being on this forum and thanking you for your kind messages and words of support.

Life has been busy and sadly, my poor mum passed away on 5 November 2008. I was able to spend 2 weeks initially with her, return to work for a week and back again to be with her for her last few days and as she passed away. The family were beside her on her bed at home - my dad, my brother, my son and her other grandson. My son had only just arrived (having missed his ferry) and mum passed away 5 minutes after he spoke to her. We're convinced she held on for him bless her!!

Mum was in absolutely no pain whatsoever and was exceptionally well looked after by everyone right to the very end - district nurses, direct care, her GP and Marie Curie nurses. Mum even managed to have reflexology on the morning she passed away. A big thanks to all of them!!

We're all walking about in shock and my dad is taking things really badly. I have to return to work 4,000 miles away on Wednesday and dreading it. Miles away from home, family and friends. It's my birthday today and mum (knowing she was dying), had bought and signed me a birthday card. I am breaking my heart knowing it's the last thing she wrote and left for me.

Thanks so much to all of you again and I'll pop on here from time to time.

Take care and best wishes to all.

Suzanne
x

Hi Suzanne

I realise it is not going to be easy to have a happy day! Be happy that your Mum brought you into this world and all that she did for you. Be happy for the last gift she left for you and the gift she continues to give you always - her love.

I pray that she is now at peace and free of any pain. I am sure that though you may be far away - part of your Mum will be with you always - where ever you are.

I have just posted the following to someone else bereaved... It seems also appropriate for you. (My wife read it recently when we buried her Mum's ashes).

Night falls,
but day dawns to replace it.
Life ends,
but death cannot erase it.
Grief comes but time will ease the pain.
In memory love always will remain.
There are those whose lives
death cannot diminish,
their love radiates
forever in the hearts
of friends and loved ones.
Their light shines on
in the lives
they've touched
for so many years.

(source not known)

God Be With You.

John