Three Primary Cancers
Posted on: Sat, 28/06/2008 - 21:10
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Three Primary Cancers
Ten years ago, I was diagnosed with breast cancer. I had chemo and radiation. I also had a wound infection that lasted about two yeaes. (I am also diabetic). Just as I was coming up on the magic five year anniversary date, I was diagnosed with two additional primary cancers (uterine and fallopean). Went through chemo again. Lost my hair for the second time.
I think I gave up at that point. Having nursed my Mom through the last five years of her life (she had a stroke, was paralysed and aphasiac, eventually had her main body artery replaced then started having amputations... 7 amputations until she had no legs to her hips). Her final years were exceptionally painful. It was very hard to watch.
I think the experience with my Mom was so awful that death really scared me. When I was diagnosed the first time, I was fairly brave and somewhat optimistic. After the second and third cancers were diagnosed and having gone through another chemo and surgery... I think some part of me saw this as my Mother all over again. She went through such awful pain and constant bad news from her doctors, why shouldn't I? It appeared to me that I had some sort of disease process going on which impacted my life. I just gave up at that point. I stayed home in my nightgown hardly going anywhere for five years. I am now approaching the magic five year annivesary again... Part of me is waiting for the other shoe to drop. Part of me is struggling to get out of this hole I have buried myself in. I am now in therapy and beginning to change my behavior... getting dressed, going out, being more responsive to my partner.
What I want to know is... am I the only one who reacted to multiple cancers in this manner? How did those of you who did not experience this decline after multiple cancer diagnosis keep going? What thought process helped you to go on with life? Even to excell in life? I think your answers will be very helpful to me.
Sorry this is so long.
goodness, you have faced so much xxxxxxx i have only had breast cancer once, hopefully that is all i will get, but who knows when this awful monster will rear its head again? i too have times when i could happily crawl away and hide forever, but my family always comes to the forefront of my mind and i cannot do that, my fingers are crossed that you will not have to face anymore of this dreaded disease, please don't lock yourself away, if you do you let the monster win, and you can't do that to yourself
all my love
Alisonxxxxxxxxxx
i am not positive, i am realistic
Firstly I want to say congratulations for beating that thing three times! Fantastic! Secondly I want to say how sorry I am about your Mom's tragic illnesses. My grandmother had an arm amputated at the shoulder. Throughout my childhood she had been a fantastic knitter. Of course that was no longer possible, and this, along with my grandad dying of cancer, depressed her a lot.
I can't say from my own experience about multiple cancers, as I only have one which had metastised - BUT, as I was misdiagnosed, I had to go through a similar process, being told within the space of 48 hours that my primary tumour had already started to shrink, and, well, we'll start on your neck next. Pardon? As this actually meant that I was Stage 4 and I was given 3-4 months last May, you can imagine that I was knocked sideways! I expected that I would become depressed, and asked the GP to prescribe anti-depressants. Although I have had some really low moments since, oddly I have not become clinically depressed (as yet anyway, and we're 13 months on now). I think it is because things - and I mean exciting things, keep on happening. I have some fantastic friends - and cancer is when you find out who your real friends are - and lots of interests. You are right to say don't just give up and sit waiting for the worst to happen. There ARE days when I don't bother getting dressed, but thanks to us having computers, we can still go out 'virtually'. Sites such as What Now mean that we are able to meet not merely New People but new Friends. I tell myself that I am lucky in that I managed to do the thing I had wanted to do at 18: at the age of 37 I started a degree in Fine Art and graduated 8 years ago, and this has given me the ability to comment visually upon my situation. I know that I have made some really great art about how it feels to be dying. There are things we can all initiate ourselves - but there are also coincidences. I planned a very unusual funeral, with steam train, readings from my diary in a tin tabernacle, cardboard coffin and a holly tree over an otherwise unmarked grave - but this led via my very individual funeral director to an introduction to Steven Smith, author and journalist, and I accompanied him around my home city for his next book, "Underground Britain". Well, THAT wouldn't have happened if I hadn't had to plan my funeral.
I think the secret is the motto of one of my friends, "Make Every Day Count", and just try each day to do one thing that you can write in a pocket diary and think, well, I really enjoyed that.
Finally, Scarlett, I know that you are struggling with a wide range of physical conditions, and I want to say that I really admire you for the way that you have fought back from everything. Keep fighting, keep getting dressed - and keep coming on here! xxx Penny
PS - As usual I have written far too much and I see that Alison has been writing simultaneously and has beaten me to it! LOL!
Penny