Treatment for Bowel and Liver secondaries - wanted to say hello
Posted on: Mon, 06/10/2008 - 13:55
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Treatment for Bowel and Liver secondaries - wanted to say hello
Hello,
On many other internet forums, it feels foolish "just posting to say hi", but after looking through the posts here, and the quite strong community feel within, it would feel impolite not to in this case !
My name is Ben, I'm 31, and fighting through my chemotherapy and an ongoing sense of denial around my cancer. I was diagnosed 2 months ago with a large bowel tumour. Having refused sedation during the bowel examination I got to stare at mine face to face - but that didn't help it really sink in. The tumour was operated on and removed, and the lymph nodes found clear, which was great news. But there are secondary marks on my liver that they can't be 100% about, but believe after several scans to be cancer secondaries, so I am currently under going chemotherapy for 6 months, with the prospect of liver surgery halfway through to remove the infected sections.
The doctors and everyone have been so good and supportive, and friends and family are very supportive when we talk about it. But perhaps through all the kind words I am beginning to slip back into a state of denial about my condition, and I realise that I should look for other ways to talk and express how I feel about this - I'm angry at this happening to me at my age, sad at what it might mean for my nearest and dearest if the doctors kind words stop being quite so positive news and mainly worried that I'm not feeling much of anything at all, and that those repressed emotions are going to turn on me or erupt at a much worse time. Reading through some of the blog posts and forum topics here affected me quite a lot, bringing some tears in places, and I hope this will be a good place for me to come and help with my mental state about all of this.
So much for a quick hello ! I guess I don't have much to say or contribute right now - I just needed to yell out my story and maybe feel a bit less isolated in all of what has happened. I also now feel a little tired - possibly part of the CAPOX taking it's toll - or maybe my foolish attempt to start cycling to work again today ! In any case I will sign off now and perhaps contirubte to some more posts real soon.
Ben
Hi Ben and welcome although Im sure none of wanted to join in the first place!!!
We are a friendly bunch and if you have read through the blogs and forums you will see we are a supportive lot also ;0)
Hope to see you back soon
Take care
lesley xx
hi ben ,just saw your post,havnt been on this site for a while , ive also got liver secondaries ,have had breast cancer ,theses are secondaries from that ,im having regular ct scans now and hopefully the arimadex im on will continue to keep them stable ,if not its yet another round of chemo,sometimes i get reallt down and upset at all the things that have happened to me and just want my old life back, but hey im still here and fighting this b for as long as i can !! i do hope you continue to do well .keep strong ,speak soon lynn x
everyday is a new start
Hi, I have bowel cancer stage 3 and its in my lymph nodes. Just finished 25 radiotherapy sessions and 35 days oral chemo. The way I deal with it mentally is to really appreciate when i am feeling well and go out for a pint and try and feel normal! I feel there's no point about worrying about things that may never happen in the end it may be all ok and I would have wasted all that time feeling bad!
I read as much as I can on the net, and a bit like horoscopes ignore the bad and focus on all the positives. I find it very cathartic to talk about my cancer its amazing how many peoples lives it has effected and all the positive stories people tell you that can give you a lift.
I try to turn negatives into positives, I need a stoma in a couple of months which I am dreading, but watched a video on you tube about irrigation and now appreciate I will be able do this for myself, where other people have to pay for the privilidge!!!
Try and stay positive, I know its hard sometimes but it really helps.
Good luck
Jo x
Hi Ben, am 35 and caring for my dad whohas bladder cancer, just wanted to drop you a line to say that i and i think my dad ( if he cold talk about it) would agree wholeheartedly about repressed feelings, am hoping we are normal in our inane discussions that avoid and skirt around.
Hi Ben. I am new here too and whilst I so not suffer from cancer myself I have seen a family member go through treatment for a large tumour in the bowel which did spread to the liver. It did result in an operation on the liver but it is a wonderful organ that can quickly regenerate. However all through this other then telling me the basics of what he had he found it difficult to talk about it all and did seem like he alway put a positive face on (it must run in the family i think). That said he is still keeping the brave face and has found exercise to be a great therapy (which he never done any of before).
I am not sure if this has helped at all but just wanted to say I (and from what I have seen so far everyone else one here) am an ear that will always listen and whilst i have personally not gone through it myself if you need a rant go ahead - i have already found it to be a great release. take care
Jen / Ali,
Yes, repressed conversations (esp. with the family) and brave faces certainly are a common thing - I think it runs in the Y-chromosome in fact !I
Have been trying to have bigger chats about this with my parents, I am quite worried that if we aren't taking about it than it could be upsetting them a lot. But also because then I know I can turn to them if the news goes bad, and know that we are already able to talk about it.
The main thing is for me to talk more with my girlfriend about it. We do talk a lot, but I tend to be at home a lot more know, recovering from chemo, which means I do a lot of washing / cooking for myself. I think she then feels she is not looking after me enough, but she is quite quite busy with work too so I think she expects too much of herself. It's so easy to shut all of it off and not think about it, but then if anything starts to go wrong, I feel we'll be so much less ready for it as a couple.
Anyway, quickly wanted to post about "yey exercise" - I trained up for a 10Km run leading up to my diagnosis, and was so thankful for having done that, lost some weight and really felt good about myself. Quite frustrated now that even a small bike ride leaves me puffed, and should probably do more walking and lower impact stuff rather than the big nothing I do now, but endorphins really are wonderful things and make your body feel all able and useful again. And thanks for the liver surgery story - it's just how I picture my next few months going, and it's nice to read about someone coming through that in good shape from the sounds of things.
Must go take next round of drugs - and work out how to trim my eyelashes after a very strange side effect from my Cetuximab...