Wrong Reaction

Kezzerbird - you know why you're upset - sounds like they're only saving their own feelings because they can't cope with your being angry with them. And why shouldn't you be upset about it? I find that a pretty normal reaction to such a careless mistake.
I think you're handling the whole business really well. Much better than they are. Their reaction sounds very arrogant.

All the best for your further treatment, may it go to your satisfaction.

P

Yes, I'm afraid there are one or two of us on here with "Whoops - we made a mistake" diagnoses. I am very sorry that this has befallen you. I don't think that your accepting reaction was "wrong" at all. I think a lot of go up in the air because we know almost nothing about cancer, have had only peripheral contact with it, and the treatment "journey" is completely into the unknown. I even drew a few funny maps in my Visual Diary, to try to place myself. You however are moving in charted territory, and you THOUGHT you knew where you were and where you are going. I think this "messing up" has worried you that they have led you astray. I hope that once you are back on the expected path, and the treatment proceeding with evidence that it is working, you will regain your confidence.

Yes, breaking the news is one of the most frequent forum topics as you will have seen. Ergo we all find it hard. I expect you will have seen the whole gamut of emotions in your working life. I hope that belongin to What Now will give you some support. There are a lot of lovely friendly people on here. You will certainly get a string of responses to this first posting. There are several other nurses this side of the fence, too. The Chat Room is there for everyone to join in. Evening sessions can get hilarious and go on long into the night. Hope you can join in when you're feeling a bit stronger.

Very best of luck with the treatment, with beating this, and with a good recovery. Hugs xxxx Penny

Thanks for your comments. So many mistakes are being made and it worries me that some people can't say what they want to, to the medical team who are supose to be helping them. I needed a blood transfusion and was sent to hospital for one via my GP, I didn't get what I went there for. A doctor thought I was there because I was a little anemic and needed iron tablets, he didn't know I had cancer and was being treated at the hospital. Theses people seem to have forgotten to listen to what we say and hear what we say. Our mental health is so important to help us fight this and without that where are we. I have got angry now and am kicking my own backside, I will give this all I've got with them or without them. But I shall not go down quietly! Take care and thanks again.

Your boot should be going in the direction of one or two other bums, methinks! Yes, mental attitude very important, and I really suspect the revelation of the serious mistake in my case sent the cancer whizzing off even further. I feel more and more that cancer shouldbe treated holistically - there is not only the chemo and the RT but our emotional responses that have to be nurtured too. xxx Penny

I couldn't agree more - I think that the emotional response is at least as important as the medical one, because if you don't see your way out of this illness, or at least feel you can live with it, then you aren't going to put a lot of effort into coping with the effects of treatment or trying to live healthily.
I appreciate that doctors and nurses have to protect themselves, too, so that they can give their best, but if they are considerate and honest, then 95% of the time they'll get consideration and honesty back. And I do think they could give a bit more information about how to deal with the emotional effects, or even think about them occasionally. My husband's surgeon just said 'oh, by the way, your tumour's inoperable' as he was going down the corridor. No explanation, no nothing.It took us a long time, with advice and support from other people and research on cancer sites, to get over that.
But in the end, here we are, and we are all trying to spread the idea of being supportive and positive, and trying not to have too many negative thoughts. A good emotional explosion now and again does help.

NO Kezzerbird....its not the wrong reaction.

I was the same as you when my husband was diagnosed. Cool calm and accepting the information that was given to us. Fortunately that was being done at our local hospital and the Registrar was being very sensitive about telling us the information. The way things were being handled and put to us at our local hospital was being done in a reassuring manner...we trusted them.

It all changed however when we referred to the supra net centre. Because my husband cancer (penile) is so rare they have set up these centres so that certain doctors can get all the experience and hence become the experts in this area.

Well....he was arrogant, rude, blase...and treated my husbands cancer as trivial and and and and etc. And the nurse specialist was not any help either. I expected that as they were the supra net centre...specialising in this area... that they would have a good team of doctors & nurses to deal with the type of cancer my husband had. How wrong I was.... It caused a major stress in the relationship between my husband and myself. And he (the consultant) did not believe it when the lump came back within a few weeks that it could be cancer again. (JERK!!! Sorry just had to say that) It leaves you not trusting the professionals looking after you. So much so we have had his continuing care/followups referred back to our local hospital now.

So yes...whereas I had started off relatively calm (don't listen to my husband) I became extremely angry and anxious about my husbands cancer.

The professionals (us) have a lot to answer for when looking after people with any kind of health problems and especially cancer. And the way people affected with cancer, cope with their cancer, can largely be put down to how they are treated, by the people supposedly caring for them!!!

Take care

JG

I am so very very happy that at last someone has come on to WHAT NOW
and a Nurse to boot to feel the same way as myself about doctors
and consultents that choose to treat a person with cancer as if the
cancer has made them brainless. So these so called professionals
make mistakes, thats fine, it,s just one of those things that happen
if we keep quite about it thay wont know any differant.[thay say]
well i say, NOT ON YOUR NELLY MATE. you are dealing with human
beings here, people who are fighting for there lives, thay dont want
to have to deal with doctors who make mistake,s weather it,s in
there treatment or there diagnosis, we want to put our trust in
the people that are there to help us.
Dont let them get away lightley why should thay, these mistake,s
have been going on to long and it,s about time professionals were
made to stand up and be counted, and it,s up to us to see that
thay do.
So kezzerbird thats what i have to say, and i,m a nurse ,but i care
for the end of life stage of cancer so i know more than most about
mistskes in cancer treatments, i,v meet many people that have had
to go throuh this ordeal, and it,s been very bad for many of them.
and i wont be sorry if i upset these professionals, even if it
means putting myself on the line.
If your not happy or feel you cant trust your doctors, then shout
loud till someone listens to you. it,s your BODY and your LIFE
PS i hope i have,nt gone on to much, but i cant help seeing
RED on this subject.xxxxx
I hope things get better for you . love lots linda.xx